


Crystalline Hearts

by disloyaltykpop



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disloyaltykpop/pseuds/disloyaltykpop
Summary: A series of break-ups and or arguments between you and an NCT member.





	1. Mark

**You can find my work on tumblr[@lostyukheis](https://lostyukheis.tumblr.com/) and find me there as well or my main [@disloyaltykpop](https://disloyaltykpop.tumblr.com/)**

**P.S: I don't actually know the names of NCT's managers**

* * *

 

 

**MARK**

 

Falling in love with Mark was like creating the finest art onto a canvas. It was full of patience, commitment, passion -- so much passion. He never failed to make you feel loved and secure about yourself and about how he will always be a permanent figure in your life. How couldn’t you fall in love with him? He saw every flaw within you and continued to adore you for it. He understood every messed up piece of your heart and soul and brought it upon himself to mend and put them back together. He stayed up until three, four, five in the morning just to keep talking to you on the phone because he knew you weren’t asleep even if he had rehearsals a few hours away. Without a doubt, Mark was your other half. He trusted you more than he trusted himself because if there was something the both of you came to terms with was that the neither of you would ever hide anything from each other. It was hard to anyway. A sense of guilt and anxiety overwhelmed you whenever you didn’t tell Mark something, so you always ended up slipping things to him. It was one of the reasons why everyone believed nothing would ever come between you guys . . . up until now.

As said earlier, your relationship with Mark was full of passion because Mark himself was a passionate person. Whenever he cared about something, he would put his entire being into it no matter the challenges he would have to go through. It was one of the reasons why SM wanted him in the first place and believed he could maintain the stressful complexity of being apart of three units. Although after meeting you, it seemed as though his passion was being placed elsewhere. For Mark, you were the oxygen he needed to breathe, the sun needed to warm his skin, the mesmerizing twinkling stars and bright moon shining through the dark of the night. You were now Mark’s world as he was yours which was why it was so difficult to bring things to an end.

Truth be told, his managers knew how much it would hurt -- no, kill him if you guys ever broke up. Yet, despite the emotional pain, Mark would go through, they still wanted it to happen. And here you were, avoiding him as though the black plague had made its’ return after breaking up with him in the worst way imaginable; your dumbass had broken up with him through text. You knew the gravity of doing something so stupid and insensitive, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it face to face. And that’s what you feared; having to face him. Mark was a very confrontational person while you were a bit more pacific about things unless they really bothered you. He was someone who needed closure, or best believe he won’t get a wink of sleep until he feels he’s gotten the answers he needed.

The fear and anxiety were so bad, that you had basically changed your entire schedule just so you wouldn’t deal with him. Instead of work morning shifts, you took the night shifts which by the way, were totally kicking your ass. Your schedule for school also didn’t seem to be a problem either since the semester had ended, and you had to make a new schedule for the new classes you had to take. In other words, you were filling your plate to the brim not only to avoid Mark but avoiding your own feelings. It was a terrible coping method to deal with things since all you were doing was overworking and stressing your entire being, but it seemed to be the only way for you to get by. You couldn’t really rely on your friends to help you out since your schedule never match up to theirs, and it certainly wouldn’t match up now. Besides, you were never one to burden anyone with your problems. Mark had always been the one you confided in, and even at the commencement of you and him talking, it was so difficult to do so because you were someone so reserved and quiet about things. He had to constantly work and fight his way to make you open up only for things to end like this.

But this is what you do for someone you love right? You sacrificed your own happiness, and even if they’ll hate you in the end for it, you’re doing it because this is what’s best for them.

You loved him enough to let him leave. It may not have been by choice, but there’ll be a time when he’ll finally get over the pain and focus on what mattered more.

Now, it was time for you to love yourself enough to let him go. It didn’t mean you had to move on. No, you could never move on from Mark. He would undoubtedly, whole-heartedly still be the owner of it no matter how many times he chose to shatter and destroy it.

Right now though, the idea of letting him go was exhausting. You were drained, so drained from work, from school, from your broken heart, from simply dealing with life. You hadn’t slept properly since you left him, and it was starting to sink in the difficulty of being without him. You guys fixed your schedule up to be with one another. You were both so involved in each other’s lives, and now it was so strange having to do it on your own.

The exhaustion was so much so, that you failed to notice how your doormat was outplaced before coming in. It was where you kept your spare key whenever Mark left his, so when you saw a figure standing in your living room, you felt your heart drop. It felt as though pins and needles were overtaking your skin as your fearful wide eyes stared at the stranger there. And of course, your door had to close loudly behind you startling both you and figure.

Finally, they turned around.

“Jesus,” You breathe out. Your hand was at your chest as you realize it’s only Mark. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Where were you?” He asks. The way his obsidian eyes stared at you felt like he was reading into your soul.

“Working,” You reply taking a gulp. Suddenly, you feel as if having a stranger here were better. The Mark before you wasn’t the Mark you knew. His hair was disheveled and falling in front of his sullen eyes. He didn’t have any makeup on, and his the dark circles were prevalent under his eyes from no doubt the lack of sleep he had.

He looked so lost and so broken . . . all because of you.

“Working,” He says with a chuckle. There a sarcastic tone in his voice though. “You work in the mornings.”

“I changed my shifts,” You reply clearly not registering the thought coursing through Mark’s brain. “What are you doing here?”

You were playing dumb. It was something Mark hated, but it was something you did on instinct whenever you felt intimidated or overwhelmed.

“You know why.” He responds back. His dark almost black eyes meet yours shaking you to your core. “Why did you leave me?”

“I don’t... I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Why? What couldn’t you do anymore?” He continues. He closed the proximity between the two of you now, and with every step he took, it was a breath of oxygen you were holding back. “We were okay. Everything was perfect . . . how could you- why did you leave me?”

He knew there was more to it. He knew you more than you knew yourself.

“I don’t . . . I don’t know what to tell you, Mark,” You lie. There was so much you wanted to tell him. For starters, the damn truth. You didn’t have a choice to leave him. It was his managers that made you do it, and you feared the consequences Mark would get because he wouldn’t leave you. You knew better than anyone how much idolized the ground you walked on, so you brought it upon yourself to do it.

“That’s all you have to say me?” He exasperates in disbelief. “You leave me through a fucking text message, and this is what you respond with?”

“Just tell . . .” His voice was cracked and so vulnerable now. “I just- I need to know what went wrong. What I did wrong . . .”

“Nothing.” You manage to let out. Because he did nothing wrong. Mark had his faults just like any other person, but he was and forever will be the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. If you lost him, you knew damn well you would never find someone who would cherish and love you like he always did.

“Is it someone else? Damn it,” He breathed out helplessly. “I thought I could hear it. I thought I could hear you say that someone else has your heart, but I can’t. So just- fuck it.”

He’s a mess. He’s breathing heavily while tears fall from his eyes, but finally, he looks at you again. “Did... do you love someone,” He looks up at the ceiling in defeat. His lips tremble as he’s trying to keep whatever sanity he has left. “Someone who isn’t me?”

And you just stand there. You’re completely speechless at the words coming from Mark’s mouth. He was everything you’ve ever wanted and needed and more. You could never bring yourself to do that to him.

  
“Of course not Mark,” You finally respond back in all honesty. “You’re the only person who has my heart. You’ll always have it no matter what.”

“So what is it then?” He continued. You were only digging a grave for yourself. You should’ve just agreed with it, but the fact of the matter was that you didn’t want to lose him. You needed him in your life. You loved him beyond comprehension which it was the reason why it was so hard for you to come through with his managers’ demands.

_Tell him. To hell with it._

“Damn it y/n, talk to me! Stop going back to your goddamn shell like we did at the very start of our relationship. I’m not some fucking stranger butting into your business.”

“I can’t tell you!” You blurt out. The tears you were so eager to hold back were slipping, and your voice was hoarse. He needed to go. He needed to go before you slipped up.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me Y/n?! I need answers. I deserve them after you just fucking left me with no warning or even the slightest idea as to why you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Mark, please I-” You tried to formulate words, but you didn’t know how to say it. Everything was beyond overwhelming for you, and seeing Mark like this was only worse. You didn’t blame him though. If the roles were switched, you would’ve acted the same way.

“You’re breaking my fucking heart!” He exclaims in hysterics as tears fall from his eyes. “I gave you my heart, I gave you my trust, I gave you everything! And for what? For things to end like this? I love you, I love you so fucking much, but this is- if this is what you want if you truly want to leave me, then there’s no going back. I’m not doing the whole ‘let’s stay friends’ bullshit because I love you too much to just stay like that. I don’t care how selfish it sounds, but if you don’t want to be with me, then don’t expect me to be in your life anymore.”

You were crying now. Your shaking hands were covering your face as you let out choked out sobs that you were still holding back. It killed you to know the bitter truth about things, and that this was your fault.

  
How could things get to this? One second you were with the love of your life, and the next you were losing him. What had you or him done so wrong?

And that’s when you broke. Even if there would be a huge sever between the two of you, the guilt, the pain, just the absence of him was eating you alive.

“It was Seungwon!” You finally exclaim. “It was him. Your manager, okay?”

Your body was shaking so bad. You had just crossed a line that you knew you couldn’t come back from.

  
“Wha . . . what do you mean it was him?”

“Him, the other managers, SM. They all said we couldn’t be together because I was only a distraction and I didn’t want you to get in trouble so I broke up with you and I would rather go through the pain and look like the bad guy because this is what you love. You’ve worked so hard for this and I didn’t want to be the reason as to why it all went to hell and-” Your hysterical ramble was cut short as Mark embraced you. He clung to you so tightly as though his life depended on it, and finally, you felt your body relax. You felt home. The familiarity of his cologne, the feeling of his arms around you, him slightly lying his head on yours -- it all affirmed the sinking and overwhelming feeling of saudade that had long been eating you alive.

“I’m sorry.” You say truthfully. You close your eyes as you try to hold back the tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to leave you, but I didn’t have a choice.”

“You should’ve just told me.” He says as he tilts your chin to make you look at him. Although you couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes after all the hurt you caused him. “Look at me Y/n.”

Your eyes are looking in the distance as you still refuse to look at him. Instead, his hands are base of your neck and jaw, and once again he makes you face him. “Baby, look at me.” It’s the softness in his voice that makes you finally look into his eyes.

“I-I . . . they told me I couldn’t tell anyone,” You tell him. Your hands cling to his wrists as you look at him with tearful eyes. “I’m sorry Mark. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

You could give him a million apologies, but it would never render the heartbreak you gave him.  
“Baby, breathe,” He says as he steps closer to you.

“I love you, Mark.” You had to say it. You had to reassure him that you did. “I love you so much. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just . . . I thought I was protecting you, and I-”

Warm lips softly pressed against yours. For a second, they felt so foreign and unreal from the amount of time you hadn’t felt them, but soon reality was coming back to you. Mark was here. He was standing before you, and he loved you just as much as you loved him. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Come on,” He once he breaks away from the kiss. “Let’s go lie down for a little.”

You didn’t object. The exhaustion from work had been long making its effect, and now that you had bawled your eyes out and argued with Mark, you were just about ready to pass out.

“Okay,” You merely respond. He clings to you from behind as you walk towards your bedroom. If it was any other day, you would’ve told Mark to chill since you kept fumbling, but today was different. You wanted to hold onto to him for as long you possibly could and never let go. You never wanted to lose him again.

The only time you pulled away from him was to shower and change into something more comfortable. As you set your phone down to charge, you felt his hands at your waist before finally wrapping his arms around you. As he embraced you from behind, his head nuzzled into your neck as his lips left small kisses onto your skin. It made you wince as a giggle left your lips from how ticklish it felt. He slowly pulled you back towards your bed where the two of got into comfortable positions.

  
Being in his arms was indescribable. You felt safe. You felt at peace. You felt at home. It didn’t matter where you were as long as you were with him. And as you lied entangled with one another, you slowly fell asleep to the sound of his gentle beating heart.


	2. Jeno

**You can find my work on tumblr[@lostyukheis](https://lostyukheis.tumblr.com/) and find me there as well or my main [@disloyaltykpop](https://disloyaltykpop.tumblr.com/)**

* * *

 

**J** **ENO**

Some people found it so cute how Jeno knew you so well considering the shy and perky nature he had. The two of could literally have conversations with your eyes and know just what the other was thinking while the world around you looked dazed and confused at just was what happens to the two of you. Although sometimes, it could be overwhelming. Like when you had a rough day and just wanna cuddle up to Jeno now that he finally has some time from his schedule to be with you, but he _just keeps insisting on knowing_ what had his baby down. It kills the mood especially when you tell him to stop.

 

People also found cute yet very astonishing was just how overprotective he was of you and how easy it was for him to get jealous. There was a time when you noticed how Mark was so excluded from the group, and you didn’t like how he was so isolated from everyone. You managed to pull him aside, and Mark finally vented to you just how stressed he was from having to be apart of three groups, and the Dreamies were on his ass whenever he got the choreography mixed up or apparently wasn’t acting to the standards that NCT Dream was supposed to be. Jeno was not having it. He didn’t like just how close his older hyung was being with his girlfriend, and he got only got more mad at you for not telling him something that wasn’t yours to say. Fast forward the argument, the petty silent treatment Jeno was giving you, and you slipping up Mark’s thoughts after having enough of Jeno’s behavior. Let’s just say, Mark is now careful with what he says around you.

 

Another thing that came with Jeno’s beautiful smile was his demand for you. That aspect wasn’t fully his fault though. It was so easy for the both of you to spend time every second you could with one another especially since, at the time, Jeno hadn’t debuted it. Even when he had, you would be on set or chilling in the practice room after his members helped to sneak you in and cover for you if a staff personnel had something to say. In other words, you guys had grown accustomed to having your attention solely on one another. Although his constant need of your attention was beginning to stress you out.

 

Lately, you guys haven’t been able to see one another anywhere near as often as before. NCT was getting a lot of recognition, so the boys were doing a lot of promotions. It involved in them traveling to farther distances you couldn’t go to and time differences you couldn’t keep with. Not to mention the fact that you had _a very normal life_ when Jeno wasn’t around which included getting a ton of homework from the difficult honors courses you had and the nerve-wracking finals you had coming up. Your family was also having issues that you were trying so desperately not to involve yourself in, but they brought you into it anyway. There was also your job that always made you question why you hadn’t called it quits yet. So when Jeno would throw a fit over how you weren’t texting back during a little nap you had, you pushed your frustration aside because it wasn’t like you weren’t doing anything. Then again, it wasn’t like it wasn’t the only time you could sleep because it wasn’t like you didn’t have to pull a ten-hour shift and finish your English project . . .

 

But then your frustration and irritation only grew when suddenly his demands occurred when you were in class while doing assignments that would only help you more on your finals. Your teachers were also more your ass as well as your other peers in order to make sure you all would succeed on your finals. Although since you had grown into the habit of texting him regardless of whether not it was allowed in school, he didn’t care that you were in class. The same happened during work especially since you always called him during your breaks, and instead, you were spent them studying away. This time you tried getting through to him, but Jeno wasn’t having it.

 

_“I barely ever get to see anymore Y/n. There’s always an excuse for you to talk to me nowadays.” He repeats for what felt like the millionth time. You just sighed before closing your eyes from the massive migraine you had. You were so exhausted from fighting with Jeno all the time. It was becoming an unwanted cycle that you growing tired of._

 

_“I just- I’m sorry,” He says sympathetically. “I don’t want to lose you. Promise me we won’t ever fall apart. Promise me we won’t break up.”_

 

_Your sad eyes met him. He could be a real pain in the ass, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him. The love you had for him was far too big to imagine. It would break you if you never got to see his beautiful smile and feel the warmth of his loving arms around you again._

 

_“I promise.” You say with full sincerity._

 

_A weak smile slowly moved onto his lips as he held out his pinky a finger. The action made you playfully roll your eyes from how childish he could be._

 

_“We’re still doing this?”_

 

_“Yup. We never break our pinky promises, and we’re definitely not breaking this one.”_

 

You thought things would get better after that. Instead, it went straight back to the same routine you were growing frustrated of. But you continued to keep your mouth shut because you didn’t want to hurt Jeno.

 

That was your biggest mistake.

 

Now what really set you off was when Nia, your best friend, thought it would be a good idea to set up a study session with her and the rest of her friends. It felt good to finally be able to do something social and not pertaining to Jeno or NCT in general. Even though you had been studying, you were all having a good time. It wasn’t until Jeno was texting you and wanted to facetime you that things took a turn. You were going to answer, but your best friend stopped you short and refused to give your phone back. She believed you needed to take a break from him even if it was just for a few hours. You didn't blame her for how she felt. Your life revolved around school, work, and Jeno, and it was just about time you had your free time without him.

 

Long story short, your best friend thought it would be cute to post pictures of you and her friends, some of whom were males and were being a bit too friendly with you. You had already spoken to her about how you weren’t very comfortable with the way they were acting especially when you all took pictures together. You had also addressed how you had a boyfriend and weren’t comfortable with how they were being, but they didn’t seem to care. She then posted them, and that’s where the drama began.

 

Jeno saw the pictures, and angry wasn’t the word to begin to describe him. Even though Jeno was mad at multiple things that you sure as hell could justify yourself for, you understood where he was coming from. He was busy twenty-four seven and the one time he could have the day off, he came to spend it with you. Obviously, you hadn’t known that since your best friend had confiscated your phone. In all honesty, you just weren’t in the mood to argue, so you just stayed quiet and took the blame. What you weren’t having though was the indirect accusations of you possibly cheating on him.

 

“Are really fucking kidding me right now Jeno?” You shriek in frustration. The two of you agreed to meet each other face to face at the dorms to talk about what was happening, but one thing led to another, and now you guys were yelling at each other. “Are you seriously kidding me right now?”

 

“How the hell do you think I would feel after my girlfriend has been avoiding me and I find out about her through a picture where she’s laughing and spending time with another guy!”

 

“For God’s sakes Jeno! He’s Nia’s friend! I told them I wasn’t comfortable with how they were being, but no one listened.” You yell at him. Frustrated tears fall from your eyes at just how ridiculous he’s being. You knew Jeno though, and you knew there was no getting through to him. He may have believed you when said that you only had eyes for him, but this had been it. This had been where you drew the line. There was too much going on, and clearly, this wasn’t going to work. “I’m not doing this anymore.”

 

“What? What do you mean you’re not doing this anymore? We’re not finished yet.”

 

“This! Us!” You say motioning to you and him. In all honesty, you couldn’t even believe the words coming out of you mouth. Judging from Jeno’s face, he didn’t seem to either. The once angry look he wore now softened to a more hurt and perplexed tone that made your heart quake. But deep down, you felt like this was the right thing to do. He was getting far too overbearing, and you had a major issue with communicating your emotions. “I can’t do this anymore Jeno. I’m tired, I’m so tired of the arguing and the fact that you don’t trust me . . .”

 

“I do trust you. Baby listen-“

 

“No, I’m not doing this anymore,” You continue as you wipe your tears. “You don’t trust me. And trust is what makes up a relationship. And if you can’t trust me, then why be in a relationship to begin with?”

 

“No, no, no, no,” He breathes out as he reached out to you. He clung to you as though his life depended on it, and his were wide and filled with tears. “It’s not you who I don’t trust. I mean- I . . It seemed that way, but it’s him who I don’t trust, okay? I’m so scared of losing you. I don’t want to- I can’t.”

 

The desperation and the fear was evident in his voice. Truthfully, it really did hurt seeing him this way. Jeno was always full of smiles and laughter, and whenever he was down it affected everyone’s mood. You knew just how much Jeno depended on you emotionally, and that was the problem. You could live without him, it would hurt yes, but you could do it. It was Jeno who unfortunately couldn’t live without you. The other boys had already mentioned it you, but you never saw the gravity of it until now.

 

“I need space Jeno,” You tell him. “You need it too.”

 

“No, baby,” His lips were quivering now. “Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this to me.”

 

“This isn’t definite, okay?” You choke out. “We just need time for ourselves. You need to go out and spend more time with the boys. I need to focus on school and work. We’re so wrapped up with each other, and it isn’t healthy.”

 

“I don’t want to lose you.” He embraces you tightly as he spoke and lied his head onto your shoulder. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry, but don’t leave me.”

 

You were trying so hard to keep it together. You had to be strong or else you would fall into his arms, and things won’t change.

 

“You promised me,” He breathed out as he held you tighter. “You promised me you wouldn’t leave me.

 

“I’m sorry,” You apologize over and over again. You can’t bring yourself to stay despite his tight hold on you, and so you’re the one to pull away. Your feet scurry as fast as they can out of the bedroom door only to momentarily stop as you look at the quiet living room.

 

_Oh, God._

 

The rest of the Dreamies are there looking at you wide-eyed. Clearly, they had heard everything especially since the walls are so paper thin.

 

Jaemin is the first one to stand. “Y/n, what happened?”

 

You glance back at Jeno’s bedroom. The idea of him coming out terrifies you, and you know you have to leave now.

 

“Just take care of Jeno for me,” You respond as you wipe your tears with the ends of your hoodie’s sleeves. “He’s going to need you guys.”

 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything. Instead, he looks back to Jeno’s bedroom door, and you take it as an opportunity to leave. The rustling sound of the couches indicates that the rest had moved from their places. Renjun and Haechan are calling out for you, but you can’t bring yourself to look back.

 

And as you leave their apartment, you realize you had just left your whole world behind.


End file.
